Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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