Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
