I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
