All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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