If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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