If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
