He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
