I'm really into asian looking animals
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
