if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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