Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
someone owes me an orgasm
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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