Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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