If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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