just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
