After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
