I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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