Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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