In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
