Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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