I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
