well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
