i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
