I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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