It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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