we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
