i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
