why didn't you poke me back
my being single is dangerous.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
