i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
