Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
