More tranny stories later!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
