The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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