I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
