I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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