My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
