Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He shit in the fireplace
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
