Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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