Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
