I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
