the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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