Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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