I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
