hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
