I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
