Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
