no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
