Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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