Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
