She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come on in and take your pants off
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
