he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I want is dick and wine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
