My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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