i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
